June 9, 2010

“Let marriage be held in honor among all …” (Hebrews 13:4).

As of yesterday, Rosi has lived with me for 37 years.  Not a very memorable or significant anniversary … where do you find something alabaster?  Remember that milestone: “This year we’ve been married more years than we were single”?  Well, we passed that one a l-o-n-g time ago!

Several years ago, a visitor to EBC suggested to his son that I was an anomaly, something abnormal, a glitch, peculiar, because at my age, I was still pastoring.  Most fellows who start their pastoral years early don’t last long.  Statistics once suggested that fewer than 50% of seminarians stayed in church ministry at all within about 5 to 10 years after graduating.

So … I’m an anomaly in my profession and together, Rosi and I are an anomaly in our marriage.  Why?  Why don’t we maintain our relationships longer, pastor-church relationships and husband-wife relationships?

I believe the answer to the latter question is hinted at, in part, in the verse above from the biblical book of Hebrews.  Rather literally, it reads, “Honorable the marriage among all or in everything” (no verb there).  Honorable means valuable, precious, of great worth, highly respected.

The author is not suggesting we honor the marriage of those who are well known or highly respected, etc.  Rather, he exhorts us to highly respect every marriage between a man and a woman as valuable, precious, and of great worth.

This morning, our son emailed us.  His insight and wisdom go beyond his years.
“Thank you for your continued example for your boys.  In the past few weeks, a friend told me that his parents recently divorced after 50 years...then I hear that the Gores are ‘splitting up’ after 40 years.  I'm beginning to think that the pandemic of selfishness is becoming more serious than any other virus we've seen. Thank you for standing for each other and teaching me how to live for my wife.”

This blog may be read by a few singles screaming, “Yes, I want to honor it … just give me a chance to be married.”  And I think some divorced people may be saying, “I honor it, too, but try as I might, I could not keep our marriage together … it takes two!”

But … what if marriage were held in high honor among all?  (I think the author of Hebrews desired that everyone would hold marriage in honor, though he likely focused on the Christian community.)  What if we all upheld marriage as an institution and as a relationship to be highly cherished, protected at all costs, valued beyond any fortune?

We would court differently.  We would plan weddings differently.  What we watch on the internet, TV, or movie screen would change.  Jokes about marriage would honor marriage.  We would treat other married people with greater respect.  Our courts, lawyers, and judges would slow down the divorce proceedings.

To honor marriage above all is to refuse to just “drift apart.”  We’d drop everything, even our jobs – with our boss’s approval – and pursue our marriages at all costs.  If we honored marriage above all, our church schedule of activities might look different.  If we honored marriage above all, our scramble to involve ourselves and our kids in so many community activities might take a different turn.

Don’t get me wrong … becoming a recluse won’t solve the problem.  We were created for community.  I’m only calling for some measure of balance.  Look at the marriage killers in your life.  Identify them.  Reduce or eliminate them.  Hold marriage in honor above all.

So what’s kept Rosi by my side for 37 years … in spite of busy schedules, in spite of needs crying out from all sides, in spite of family pressures, in spite of my not being the most creative husband at doing new things?  We’ve had models of faithfulness in both sets of parents and at EBC.  We’ve had many prayers offered on our behalf.  The Devil attacks our marriage just like he does every other marriage.

The answer is pretty simple and not at all different from most of you … we’re committed to marriage and we’re committed to OUR marriage!  We love each other.  We rely on each other.  We want each other.

So … what would our culture look like if everyone held marriage in the highest honor?


Pastor Don